Life out loud

I remember getting home late one night from dancing and falling asleep in the TV room. We used to have this amazing TV room in my house in Loresho that had this lovely Japanese bed (on the floor) covered with the softest satin cushions. You see, what I would do is get home after a good night, and because I was still so awake, I would change into my PJ's and go downstairs to watch TV. Of course, I would never be as alert as I thought I was and the bed was so comfy that I would end up falling asleep, with the TV on. So there I was in and out of sleep, watching TV and snoozing and I could hear the birds begin to chirp. I stretched out for the remote and changed the channel to CNN and the breaking news was the untimely death of Diana, Princess of Wales. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and watched with disbelief and shock to some degree. Like the rest of the world I watched her funeral on SKY and was so moved by her life and then her tragic death. I remember how it affected some people and how some people had a sense of humour about it. 'They used to call her Princess Di, now they will call her Princess Dead' was one of the many jokes.
It is OK to have a light moment even during the somber days. Everyday we are closer to our day of reckoning. Everyday we get closer to leaving this place. The scary thing is that we don't know how and we don't know when.

I lost my father when I was 6 years old. I never understood death at that age. I remember that he was ill and in hospital and it was my eldest brothers birthday. We had gone out for dinner and when we came home I saw all his sisters at home crying. I got into the house and my mum told me that my father was no more. As with any 6 year old, I found it hard to understand. So I told myself that he had gone on holiday and he would be back. I remember his funeral vividly; there were so many people - family, friends, business associates. There was a bit of a commotion when the person who had brought the Flag of Kenya from President Moi arrived. When they put my dads photo up I looked at my mum and said 'don't be sad ma, there he is, smiling.' I remember when they brought his body home and I watched in disbelief and confusion as the priests prayed and everyone mourned. I hugged my dads sister, tightly around her waist and remember tears streaming down my cheeks. At assembly in school the headmaster paid tribute to my father and everyday when I got home from school I would hear prayers and everyone who was praying was singing - of course I thought this was a celebration because why else would people chant and sing - my dad has come back home. He never did.
He was an amazing person and do this date he is remembered. Now that's a life well lived.

The thing about death is it's final. That's it. No more. Finished. The end.

As I grew up I would learn about friends parents passing away and try and console them. But because I was so young when dad died, I never fully understood grief. When my brother died is when it hit me. He died at the age of 20 in a car accident. I just left for the USA to study. My brother, Raju, had so much going for him. He was fun and fabulous and lived life the way it should be - to the fullest. A month before he had passed on a friend of mine, Dan Eldon, was killed in Somalia. He was a photographer and he had taken some of my photos. They were family friends and I remember going to pay my condolences and hugging his sister and feeling so sorry for her. What do you say to someone who is going though such a loss? Of course, a month later, I was in her exact situation. I could not understand it. There were so many questions - the what ifs, the whys, the whens. I tried to understand what he must have felt, I consoled myself by saying that he must have known because on the weekend before his death he met everyone he knew and he was happy - this of course all his friends told me, I was not here to see. I made myself feel better by telling myself that at least I said bye to him at the airport a week before. But to tell you the truth, losing anyone sucks big time.
There is an aching emptiness that sets in that makes you want to scream, cry and vomit all at the same time. There is a feeling of despair that takes over and then there is the denial.
The time it hits you the most is when you wake up from a deep sleep and it is all quiet and you remember. It wasn't a dream, it is reality and you have to accept it and live with it.

It takes a lot to recover from the death of a loved one and everybody grieves differently. You can never say that just because you have experienced it once the next time it happens you will be able to handle it. Death sucks.

The point I am trying to make though is that we must be able to live life fully. This year has been extremely tragic when it comes to how many people have died and how. I have heard of stories of so many people who have been diagnosed with illnesses such as cancer and then they are told that they are dying. The thing is, we are all dying; that is a fact. Like I said before, we don't know when and we don't know how. But I feel when we hear or see death so near it is up to us to change the way we live life.
As cliched as it all sounds -egos can be put aside, you can say goodbye to your bad attitude, pessimism should be thrown out the door, negativity should not be given a chance to reside in your being, because if we are all dying, and we do not know when our last day is, would you want your last day on earth to be with you complaining and worrying? Enjoy the colours of the world, don't hold a grudge, go dye your hair blonde if that is something you want to do, be happy and healthy today because who knows what may happen tomorrow.
At the end of the day we have to adopt a sense of humour when it comes to this thing we call life. I remember reading a one liner on the net in my radio days; 'Don't take life too seriously, we never get out alive'.