I put the FUN in Dysfunctional

I was chatting to an elderly lady last week. She is a lady who is well travelled, well spoken, well put together and spiritual. I like to have conversations whereby I learn something and when I come away from it I don't feel like I wasted thirty minutes of my life. So putting my time to good use, this lady and I started to talk about families and how almost all families may feel like they are totally normal, but instead each and everyone of us has some sort of dysfunction (word?) with thanks to our family.

My grandmother passed away two weeks ago. She was not well. She had been suffering for a while, but as my cousin - who was closer to her than I was, told me - they all knew this was her last leg. My gran was a radio presenter on VOK back in them days. When I got into radio it wasn't because she inspired me to, I did it without knowing she had been on radio, I found out much later in my life, but I suppose media runs in the blood.
Anyway, she was never close to my mum - mum doesn't hide that from anyone. Mum was brought up by her aunt after she walked away from her mum at age 11. When we learnt that granny was unwell, my brother and I told her to visit, but mum being mum said she didn't want to be a hypocrite. They hadn't spoken for 50 odd years, why now?

As you know, I lost dad when I was young. He has a huge family. Here's the deal - dad was married twice. His first wife had three kids and then he met mum, fell in love, married her (that is a story for another blog) and had three more kids. Initially all was hunky dory, but people went their own ways and the inevitable happened - we grew up. When I look at my brother or my husband and see their respective families and wonder how I would treat them should either of them (God forbid) suddenly pass. I would continue to treat them as family, why should things change just because someone is no more?
We may have been very young when dad died, but it didn't make us blind nor did it make us oblivious to the fact that our mother was alone and made to feel that way by a lot of people.

It is very important to treat kids with so much love and respect. I look at Ariyana today and want to do the best I can for her as a parent. Even if it means putting my ego aside and allow her to know her family - she has a HUGE one! The thing is children are not stupid. What we do as adults, what we say, how we behave - all of these things have an impact on a child's life. You may be an aunt, a distant cousin, a father - how you treat the children around you is key to moulding them.
People may think that it is upbringing, that it is solely on the parents to give the child a rounded and healthy childhood. Agreed, it is for the most part. But I can tell you of experiences and memories where someone said something to me and there and then, in those ten seconds thanks to someone else's issues I became slightly dysfunctional.

I would have loved to have grown up with all my cousins and older relatives, grandmothers and grandfathers, alas this was not meant to be. I was chosen to walk down a different path. So what if I am slightly dysfunctional - at least I admit it, I am not in denial! I have to say - the love I received from my mother and my brothers and the few years my father was with me compensated for all the S*** we had to put up with! Dysfunctional? Whatever! I am all for not playing victim - take a situation and turn it around..forget dysfunctional, how about Ms.FUN Galore.

Life's a beach

I love the ocean. There is something very calming about being seaside.
Every year in January my husband and I celebrate our wedding anniversary. We made a pact that we would avoid the December holiday madness and stay in Nairobi during that time and instead travel during our anniversary. Poor guy, hubby darling, in December he has to bear with my shopping sprees and my need to entertain. In January he has to take me on 'our honeymoon' as I still refer to it, to the coast - because it is a nice time to be there and I love being by the beach (did I already mention that?). In February he has to deal with Valentine's Day (oh yes, I celebrate it!) and then three days after that my birthday!

Yes, I would like to be one of those girls who settle for a rose or an I love you as a gift, but if you know me, then you know that I am high maintenance when it comes to celebrations. Buy me gifts, spoil and pamper me, go crazy and surprise me, feel free and go all out and spend every last penny, I love the WOW factor! Don't get me wrong, I am not a person who is all take take take, I give as well. Ask him; I buy him something for Xmas, and then our anniversary, I spoil him on the day of love and make sure his birthday is memorable gift wise. I am all about quality and quantity. I take time planning, shopping and wrapping. The thing about Raj, he is simple. He would love a rose or an I love you just fine. He is adorable because whatever I do for him (even if it is S***) he smiles, thanks me from the bottom of his heart and pretends to love it.
More often than not, I get it right!

Raj and I have not had a beach holiday for about two years now. Reason; we moved out two years ago and suddenly we realised we had bills to pay! Forget about pay cheque, how about reality check!! Then I got pregnant and the doctor advised that I not travel during the pregnancy given my history. So Raj said to me that he would take us (his baby and I) on a nice long holiday to enjoy the sun and the sea when baby was old enough. What a coincidence she was old enough to travel during our anniversary.

As much as it all fell into place, Raj, my lovely loverson, went to play hockey, as he does every Friday evening and on that fateful evening, he split his thumb, got 4 stitches and fractured his thumb. Ouchie! I felt bad for him (although am sure he did it on purpose!). He is in pain and was told it would take at least  6 weeks to heal. So our holiday plans went to pot. Not because he said so, oh no! Au contraire, Raj is such a super guy, he insisted he take me on holiday - he said he would chill by the pool with baby, he didn't have to swim!
Raj hurt his right hand, he can barely carry his baby at the moment, let alone my bags full of my bikinis and now a pushchair and a diaper bag. I could not possibly ask that of him..or could I?

I may be selfish to some extent, but I just thought that it would totally be unfair. Also, I didn't see it being much of a holiday for me considering I would be doing all the lugging and carrying to and fro (selfish, me? never!!!). So we called it off for a later date - he owes me BIG time - I hear Jamaica is beautiful in June. Truth of the matter is, I am in my ideal place for this time, Nairobi weather is enjoyable and I have a pool right outside my home, my baby is who I spend my days with, my two dogs give me so much joy and I don't really have to be anywhere at any particular time. This is my ideal holiday, what more could I ask for? Ah yes the beach, for that I have my imagination. Shhh...Just don't tell Raj.

OMG she's a celebrity!

It is pretty cool when I walk into a mall or the doctor's offices and I hear someone whisper my name and point toward me. It happened the other day when I took bubba to see her doc and I was taking the lift. Some guy in the lift said to me '...errr you look like Pinky Ghelani..' or when I took my husband to the hospital (sports injury, don't ask!) and sat next to someone who asked; 'are you Pinky?'
I have to admit, being recognised is fun, it is nice that people still remember me as Miss India Kenya even though I won that title ages ago, or some people say to me that they listen to my show (even though I left radio about 5 years ago). It makes me feel good that the brand is still alive!

I went out for lunch with my gal pals the other day; Nicole, Rakhee and Neehar. These are the girls I went to school with and Rakhee, as you know, and I have grown up together - we have a blog that we contribute to(stopormymamawillshoot.blogspot.com). They were teasing me about when I go to their homes and how their house help get excited to see me and they kept calling me a 'celebrity'. It was a good laugh, but to them I will always remain the goofy young one who they knew way before everyone else did.

But it made me think; what exactly defines a celebrity? I think it is someone who has achieved fame, is a celebrated individual for whatever reason but most importantly they are the ones who keep their feet firmly planted in the ground. I will tell you who is a celeb, in my books, my friends; Julie Gichuru - she is an achiever, she is up there in her career, she has met Obama and yet when she meets me in a mall she is still so nice to me and tells me that we go way back and that I can chat to her about career and motherhood anytime. Zain Verjee - she is the person who introduced me to Capital FM, the person who I email and she replies with so much enthusiasm and warmth. Jeff Koinange - he knows his stuff, he knows his people, he is super confident and is very down to earth. Kimberly Leonard - she read the news at Capital FM and is now a TV anchor in the UAE, she is still the same lovable nut that I know. Jimmy Gathu - he is the guy who inspired me to get into media - I loved him and I met him through his now wife, Cathy - he still has the same love for me and is always available for a chat.

There are so many friends of mine who are in this industry, but there are very few who are genuine. Some just want to get to know you because of where you are and how you can help them. The others are the same people that they were when we were all coming up together - not one thing has changed. Their names are household names, but the personalities are those that one admires and aspires to be like. Like I said, it is nice to be recognized. I am humbled that so many people know me, but sometimes I feel slightly embarrassed when am pointed at and called a celeb, not because I don't like it, but because I do not know how to react. Do I yank out my shaeffer pen from my very large mulberry bag and sign you an autograph - or do I get my bodyguards to hold you back as you try to get a glimpse of me amidst all the flashing cameras of the paparazzi or do I just smile and say 'what's up' or do I pretend I didn't hear you or see you and be apathetic to the fact that someone just saw me and that person knows me?

Whatever the reaction - all I can say is thank you for the constant support. If it wasn't for you then I would not be where I am, so I should actually stop you on the road, recognise you and get excited when I see you because, in my life, you are the biggest star!!

The Ariyana Way of Life

So another NYE came and went - overrated is what I feel it has become or as a very good friend of mine described it- amateurish! I wonder if we say such things as we get older or just to console ourselves when we are lacking a really good plan for the evening!

I was just taking a long bath, as I do daily - I don't need a special occasion to spoil and pamper myself (can you tell?) and I was thinking that ten years have passed since we brought in the naughties. Remember the millennium madness? Who would have thought that within a blink of an eye (kinda) we would be 10 years into this new era and be saying goodbye to a decade? Ten years ago I had just won the title Miss India Kenya - wow!! Ten years ago?? That seemed just like the other day.
Ten years ago my in-laws, were grandparents for the first time. Raj's niece was born and today she sits with us at the table and has a conversation like a mini adult. Ten years ago I had just done one year in radio, I was two years into my relationship with Raj and I had travelled to India for the first time after 10 years!

Where does the time go? I sound like a real old fuddy duddy when I speak like this but it is true, how and when did time fly? Ten years ago we were just learning about the world wide web, cell phones were a real luxury in Kenya, Skype was unheard of and Facebook was not even a thought in anyones mind! Ten years ago we spoke properly and sheng was the language of the moment, not sms - who would have thought that OMG, WTF and NKT would be words we understand?

Ten years ago I still had some youth on my side, I had the energy to party the night away and without sleep do the Saturday morning breakfast show - I loved those days! Ten years ago I wondered where I would be ten years from then and here I am ten years on, wrinkle free (phew), not so energetic and a bit blasse when it comes to going out at night but most importantly a wife and a mom!! A mom!! That is what a decade does!

Where were you ten years ago? How has the decisions you made the past decade changed your life? Are you happy with where you are? Not that I am here to judge, but it is nights like New Years Eve that make you sort of reflect on who you are and what you are doing, right? Either NYE, a big birthday, a death or a birth - all these things kind of make you think about your life.

My brother and I decided we are going to live life like Ariyana, my 3 month old baby girl. We watched her on the 31st of December, oblivious to the fact that tomorrow would be a new year; she smiled as she always does, she played as she always does and she fell asleep by 8pm as usual. She didn't act any different, she didn't make a hoopla out of the day, she just was. We decided that we will live life the Ariyana way.

I encourage you to live life the Ariyana way too. Think about it; it need not take a special occasion to wish each other well, we will do that every day, anyway. It need not be the end of a decade, we will celebrate every day, anyway. The year does not have to end and another begin for us to reflect, we will reflect on our words, actions and thoughts every day, anyway. That way, ten years from today,we would have lived every moment to its fullest no matter how aged, sweaty and droopy we get. We will have embraced and enjoyed every invention, new language and bizarre fashion trend and we will not have to ask ourselves where the time has flown, because we know exactly what we have done with it!

Happy Monday! I wish you countless blessings and abundance.