B.I.T.C.H

As you know I am a strong believer in the law of attraction. I know that we attract all experiences, people and circumstances into our lives. Mind you, having said that, I have no idea how to use this 'power' for my benefit as I am constantly asking myself 'WTF did I do to attract THAT into my life?'

Ever since I was younger I had an issue with girls. The women in my life have always let me down. I generalise - sorry! There are a handful of women who I can swear upon, they will always be there for me and they are constant - one of which, of course, is my mama.
Did you ever watch FRIENDS? I am still so hooked on it - I find myself always going back to the boxsets and watching them over because they were fun. Anyway, do remember the episode where Rachel meets Ross' tall paleontologist friend? I forget her name..Ah well, somehow it comes up that the tall chick doesn't like Rachel and Rachel says 'It's OK, girls tend not to like me'? Well, that, my bloggies, is the story of my FRIGGIN life!

I was bullied in school - it was a year before my O levels when the girls in my class turned on me. I have no idea why, but it was horrid. I ended up dropping out of school and sitting my O levels privately just so I did not have to go through the torture of being teased and made fun of. One girl who made fun of me stamped her foot on the ground and shouted 'I am stepping on your fathers soul'. My father died when I was 6. This happened when I was around 13. It was not fun, to say the least. Kids are mean sometimes.

But this teasing and bullying seemed to continue through out my life not in the school yard manner, but in different ways. I wonder if it is because sometimes I let people into my life and trust them 100 per cent and open up to them and perhaps am to naive. One thing I have learnt is that not everyone wants to see your happiness and the more you succeed, the more people enjoy it when there are times you are not succeeding so much. Some people even like to rub it in your face a little.
In my life, the saying 'with friends like these, who needs enemies?' applies. Like I said, not all my friends are nasty cows, but I am learning to differentiate the good ones from the ones who are there only when times are good.

But I am so not going to play victim here. Like I said before, it is all about the law of attraction. I am not writing this so that I can get any sympathy. No way! This is just an avenue for me to ask, and I have to ask it again "WTF did I do to attract THAT into my life?'. Don't get me wrong, it is not always bad - but 20 per cent of the bad stuff is what I need to STOP attracting.

I believe in the law of reflection - if you keep seeing something in those around you, it means that there is something about them in you - especially what it is that bothers you about them. So if you are bugged by people always cribbing about money - there is something in you that cribs about money. I am surrounded (at times) by bitches..this can only mean one thing, I am a bitch.

I know that hurting people hurt people - so if the women in my life enjoy hurting me, it is only because they have issues in their lives. It is not anything I am going to take personally at all! But I have to keep my karmic record pure and positive - that is the only way I will only attract GREAT stuff in my life - including fantastic people. The bitch in me can take a step back, I will only invite her in if she is desperately needed! Being nice does not necessarily mean you are being foolish, does it? But how much of a nice guy does one have to be? I remember being nice only got me bullied and teased. I have to protect myself to some extent and if this calls for being a bit of a bitch from time to time to ward off the bad, then so be it! It is all about balance.

PS Have a Happy Valentines Day!