Ever sat and wondered what life is really all about? Oh
shit, here I am getting all deep and philosophical on you again and the thing
is, I wonder really if my life experiences allow me to be a ‘philosopher’ of
sorts. One person who has had amazing life experiences is my mother. She is
genius and because she is who she is, sometimes she pisses people off. I love
that about her.
Mother’s day is just around the corner and here my ode to a
woman who has lived her life by her rules. Many years ago my mother walked out
on her mother. My mother was 11 – her mother was recently divorced and had a
new man in her life. In a nutshell he was not a nice man and when my mother
talked about what had happened to her with her family and they confronted my
granny, granny said ‘well I think she reads too many novels.” So my mum
packed her suitcase and left for her auntie’s house- it was down the road and
she walked it and she never forgave her mother. My granny, the former VOK
presenter, passed on last year – my mum forgave her in her heart and let her
go.
My mother was always outspoken. True story she once
approached by a photographer of Harpers Bazaar magazine to be on the cover.
True story she was once mauled by a crowd in Mumbai – they mistook her for the
current A list actress. True story, she has always been selfless and giving and
unfortunately has suffered the consequences of being a soft hearted woman.
My mother is a second wife. My father found a way to marry
her when his first wife refused a divorce. My father was just that guy. Oh, how
did they meet? My mum was his secretary. What a cliche right? He pursued her much to the dismay of
his family but he was in love and those closest to him knew it. Knowing my
father, he would always get his way – now I know where I get it from. My mum
tried to leave him, they had their fair share of arguments and fights – but he
was adamant – and good looking and super suave- and once when he followed her
to England and begged her to be in his life forever she caved.
Nairobi in the 60’s and 70’s and mum was the talk of the
town. Of course her family disowned her – that is until they found out how rich
her husband was. That’s when they all found a way to ‘forgive’ her. Even her
mother – the real one- found a way into her life. My father spoilt her family,
spoilt us kids, spoilt his kids from his first wife and spoilt his family. He
was an all in all good guy and never denied his responsibility! He would make
my mum dress up for him everyday – in a sari, with her hair done (salon done
mind you).
Their love story is for an entirely different blog. This
blog is for MOM!
My father died 10 years into their marriage. He was shit
loaded to say the least. Let’s just put it this way – my mum loved to drink
vimto, he bought her the vimto factory in Kisumu. Mother was not business
savvy. Mother trusted way too many people and as people go – they took
advantage. Unfortunately, these were not just “people” – these people were “family”.
When I got married I spoke of my family as Nick, my brother
and my mum. That’s it. Oh yes, there is an extended family but my arse have
they ever made me feel a part of anything! Let me see – when times were good,
people were around us. There were parties and food and drinks would flow. She
was the hostess with the mostest! Her way of dressing was unique. Her beauty in
undeniable. Her style and demeanor – most women try and impersonate until
today.
The thing about my mother is she is an honest soul. She
never let my brothers or I get away with lying or borrowing things without
returning them. She was strict with us. We grew up alcohol and cigarette free.
I dabbled – but when she found out I was pounded! Hey my thing was that someone
had to keep my fathers memory alive. But my father was more than his whiskey
and cigarettes – and that is where we get our philanthropic side from I
suppose.
So back to mum. Honesty makes you enemies. She was so blunt
and outspoken that people began to distance themselves. The truth hurts I
suppose. We live in a world where lies and ass kissing gets you to where you
need to be. My mother would have none of it. If you did her wrong or if you
lied, she would catch you out and ensure you knew that she is not to be lied
to.
Alas, lies were what were being told to her left, right and center. May be it
is because we were too young to defend her or stand by her. But she gave –
diamonds, money, title deeds to “family” and “friends” and when time came for
her to ask for her things back – she was given a cold shoulder.
One time a member of the family put a gun to her head and demanded money - another time, she was burnt with a hot skewer by the same guy - again, for money. You think these things only happen in movies.
The thing about mum is that she stood by her principle. In a
world where beauty can get you anything – she stood her ground. A man she dated
for a while, after my dad died, offered she move in with him in a big house in a plush estate, but without the children was the
condition. The kids could stay in Loresho – school fees paid for, rent paid
for, with a cook – but no mum. I have to say he had balls and obviously did not know my mum well enough despite dating her for 7 years. Suffice to say that that man is no longer in her
life.
She sacrificed so
much for us and other people.She is living a real life,
like it or lump it – you have to accept her for who she is. Today she is more
outspoken than ever before and has a bit of a hard heart. The hard heart is because of all the nasty
people who treated her like shit when they had the power to do otherwise – am sure
they are proud. I wish she had it from day one – then she would not be in the
position she is today. But she does not complain – not even a bit.
This is to my mummy who is a beautiful soul and despite the
hard journey life has given her remains steadfast, gorgeous and loving to the
people that matter most in her life.
I love you momma and always will...happy mother's day! Thanks for teaching me to stop giving a shit about those who don't really give a shit about you.
(By the way, she tells some bad ass rude jokes too)
