N N G

Ever sat and wondered what life is really all about? Oh shit, here I am getting all deep and philosophical on you again and the thing is, I wonder really if my life experiences allow me to be a ‘philosopher’ of sorts. One person who has had amazing life experiences is my mother. She is genius and because she is who she is, sometimes she pisses people off. I love that about her.

Mother’s day is just around the corner and here my ode to a woman who has lived her life by her rules. Many years ago my mother walked out on her mother. My mother was 11 – her mother was recently divorced and had a new man in her life. In a nutshell he was not a nice man and when my mother talked about what had happened to her with her family and they confronted my granny, granny said ‘well I think she reads too many novels.” So my mum packed her suitcase and left for her auntie’s house- it was down the road and she walked it and she never forgave her mother. My granny, the former VOK presenter, passed on last year – my mum forgave her in her heart and let her go. 

My mother was always outspoken. True story she once approached by a photographer of Harpers Bazaar magazine to be on the cover. True story she was once mauled by a crowd in Mumbai – they mistook her for the current A list actress. True story, she has always been selfless and giving and unfortunately has suffered the consequences of being a soft hearted woman.

My mother is a second wife. My father found a way to marry her when his first wife refused a divorce. My father was just that guy. Oh, how did they meet? My mum was his secretary. What a cliche right? He pursued her much to the dismay of his family but he was in love and those closest to him knew it. Knowing my father, he would always get his way – now I know where I get it from. My mum tried to leave him, they had their fair share of arguments and fights – but he was adamant – and good looking and super suave- and once when he followed her to England and begged her to be in his life forever she caved.

Nairobi in the 60’s and 70’s and mum was the talk of the town. Of course her family disowned her – that is until they found out how rich her husband was. That’s when they all found a way to ‘forgive’ her. Even her mother – the real one- found a way into her life. My father spoilt her family, spoilt us kids, spoilt his kids from his first wife and spoilt his family. He was an all in all good guy and never denied his responsibility! He would make my mum dress up for him everyday – in a sari, with her hair done (salon done mind you).

Their love story is for an entirely different blog. This blog is for MOM!

My father died 10 years into their marriage. He was shit loaded to say the least. Let’s just put it this way – my mum loved to drink vimto, he bought her the vimto factory in Kisumu. Mother was not business savvy. Mother trusted way too many people and as people go – they took advantage. Unfortunately, these were not just “people” – these people were “family”.

When I got married I spoke of my family as Nick, my brother and my mum. That’s it. Oh yes, there is an extended family but my arse have they ever made me feel a part of anything! Let me see – when times were good, people were around us. There were parties and food and drinks would flow. She was the hostess with the mostest! Her way of dressing was unique. Her beauty in undeniable. Her style and demeanor – most women try and impersonate until today.

The thing about my mother is she is an honest soul. She never let my brothers or I get away with lying or borrowing things without returning them. She was strict with us. We grew up alcohol and cigarette free. I dabbled – but when she found out I was pounded! Hey my thing was that someone had to keep my fathers memory alive. But my father was more than his whiskey and cigarettes – and that is where we get our philanthropic side from I suppose.

So back to mum. Honesty makes you enemies. She was so blunt and outspoken that people began to distance themselves. The truth hurts I suppose. We live in a world where lies and ass kissing gets you to where you need to be. My mother would have none of it. If you did her wrong or if you lied, she would catch you out and ensure you knew that she is not to be lied to.

Alas, lies were what were being told to her left, right and center. May be it is because we were too young to defend her or stand by her. But she gave – diamonds, money, title deeds to “family” and “friends” and when time came for her to ask for her things back – she was given a cold shoulder.

One time a member of the family put a gun to her head and demanded money - another time, she was burnt with a hot skewer by the same guy - again, for money. You think these things only happen in movies.

The thing about mum is that she stood by her principle. In a world where beauty can get you anything – she stood her ground. A man she dated for a while, after my dad died, offered she move in with him in a big house in a plush estate, but without the children was the condition. The kids could stay in Loresho – school fees paid for, rent paid for, with a cook – but no mum. I have to say he had balls and obviously did not know my mum well enough despite dating her for 7 years. Suffice to say that that man is no longer in her life.

She sacrificed so much for us and other people.She is living a real life, like it or lump it – you have to accept her for who she is. Today she is more outspoken than ever before and has a bit of a hard heart.  The hard heart is because of all the nasty people who treated her like shit when they had the power to do otherwise – am sure they are proud. I wish she had it from day one – then she would not be in the position she is today. But she does not complain – not even a bit. 

This is to my mummy who is a beautiful soul and despite the hard journey life has given her remains steadfast, gorgeous and loving to the people that matter most in her life.

I love you momma and always will...happy mother's day! Thanks for teaching me to stop giving a shit about those who don't really give a shit about you.

(By the way, she tells some bad ass rude jokes too)